I'm going to be sharing more and more things on self-love - the message I believe I'm meant to share to the world. Here's an excerpt from my book on self-love: Falling in Love with Me - 30 Days of Self-Love, that hopefully will be published in the near future.
The keys to keeping a long-term relationship alive and healthy is choosing to focus on the good things in your partner. It takes a decision sometimes. The relationship we have with ourselves is the only one that’s going to last a lifetime. Grow that relationship. Focus on the good things.
The beauty of it, is that you’re more able to face your shadows when you’re appreciative of your good stuff. In fact, those very shadows are beautiful gifts of growth for us.
Maybe make a list of things you like about yourself.
Write down a thank you to yourself for all the things you’ve done this week to help you grow in your self-love journey.
Find one thing about your body that you like. Everyone has something. Maybe it’s your toenails. Or your belly button. Or your thumbs. Or do you really love your hair?
You came to this earth in this body. I believe that we chose to live this life. We chose this body to exist in. We wanted it. Maybe it’s caused some pain and suffering at times, but it’s beautiful and magical. It’s so complex. It can do so much.
Don’t judge your externals by the world’s standards. This body of yours is a vessel—a magical one that you chose to live through.
Look at yourself as a bouquet of flowers. Some of the flowers in the bunch are more colorful than others. But the duller, more muted ones complement the brighter ones. It all makes up a beautiful harmonious whole. You’re this mishmash of goodness and icky bits, gladness and sadness. Your good parts are the glue that gives the contrast to the whole bunch. When you’re feeling blue, it’s good to think of the good things.
Our culture has taught us to find beauty in only certain things: long legs, flat tummy, sleek hair, small nose, high cheekbones, clear skin, CISgender, etc. The key is to find beauty in a new way—to take a different perspective. Beauty makes life, well, beautiful. Try to find beauty in all people. When you do that, you open your eyes to real beauty. You open your eyes to endless possibilities to experience beauty in your life. You’ll then open your eyes to your own beauty.
Find beauty in the small things: that flower blowing in the breeze, the smell of rain after a hot day, the aroma of freshly baked pizza. Let it feed your soul.
Meditation for Finding Your Own Beauty
Find a quiet spot away from technology and people. Take a hand mirror with you. Sit or lie down - make sure you feel comfortable. Close your eyes. Focus on your breath or a part of your body for a few minutes. Imagine a cloak of love falling down from the sky and resting upon your shoulders. Feel the warmth of that love infuse your whole being. Breathe in that love. See it get absorbed from your shoulders into your chest and heart area, then your stomach area, then your legs and your arms, and your head. Feel that warm liquid of love pulse throughout your whole body. See it grow until it surrounds you in a beautiful golden glow. Bask in that glow.
Now see the picture of a lover in front of you. It doesn't have to be anyone you know - just imagine someone very loving and kind. They are deeply in love with you. See them looking at you with such love and admiration in their eyes, as though they have found the greatest treasure of their lives. Feel that love and acceptance beaming from them toward you. Hear them say, "You are so beautiful." Now open your eyes slowly and hold the mirror in front of you. You are now that lover. See yourself through the eyes of that person who loved you and admired you so much. Look at all the features in you that this person or being was infatuated with. Appreciate those things. Acknowledge as many as you can. See yourself through beauty-viewing eyes. If you keep finding fault in yourself, don't berate yourself - just don't dwell on the thought and shift your thoughts towards the beauty-viewing. Smile at yourself. Put the mirror down.
Now close your eyes again. Feel that feeling of admiration, of appreciation from the depths of your being. Pick it up off your body like it's a ball of light or energy. Hold that ball in your palm. Put your hand over your heart and place that ball / feeling into your heart. Pat it to keep it there. Imagine it's found it's home in your heart now. Take a few more gentle and relaxing breaths. Wriggle your fingers and toes. Open your eyes again and focus on the room.