Sunday, October 24, 2021

A Poem after a Break-up

I've started to write poetry. I find it's a great way to express my heart without having to plot out a whole novel. The main thing that inspired me to start writing poetry was one of my client's poem books. This book is amazing and touched my heart in so many ways. It was truly a masterpiece - she just wrote her heart. The second thing that inspired me is a YouTuber I found by accident - Rachel Oates. She critiques a lot of poetry and offers her listeners poetry prompts. I haven't actually tried one of her prompts yet.

Anyway, I wrote this poem today because I'm still battling to move on from a break-up that happened about a month ago. Even though it was a long distance relationship, I felt a strong bond with this man.

I am not a pro at poetry. I'm still learning the craft as it's very different from prose.


I Want to Move On

 

Why did it happen?

I thought it was the moment of love, of final fulfilment;

I thought I’d found the person for my life

after what has felt like a painful search

since my hurtful divorce.

We felt so right.

Our spiritual interests were so similar—

it’s so hard to find someone like that,

especially in my own country,

but him being in another country

made our relationship hard,

especially from his point of view

even though I was the one who’d have to travel to visit him,

and I would have to be the one

to make a final move

in the end.

 

What makes it harder are all the messages,

synchronicities, signs, feelings, knowing,

that this was a good relationship for me.

Then why did it end?

And why do I fear saying yes if he contacts me again?

It was unhealthy.

I’ve mostly been good at moving on from what’s unhealthy,

but this time,

I don’t want to move on.

Something in my heart wants to hang on,

maybe because the Universe seemed to point so strongly towards us.

Could it have worked if he hadn’t been so conflicted?

But, no, I need a man whose heart is free from all obligations,

who doesn’t keep forgetting why we belong,

who isn’t so afraid of trying true love.

 

Please, blessed heart of mine,

I want to move on,

but I also don’t want to

because I want to remember the love I felt with him,

the closeness, the connection,

the sweet time together

although we didn’t even meet in person.

Our hearts met for real—

in a gentle, sweet dance.

But I need to move on

so I can be happy again.

 

It hurts—the disappointment

again

and

again.

I really want to find someone—

a precious man I can love, kiss, make love to,

and share my life with.

Someone who cares, listens, is strong, supports,

and who is vulnerable enough

for me to love on, too.

 

I don’t know how to do that—

searching on dating sites

is just plain flat.

I’m drawn by words not faces.

I wait for you, Universe

because my frustrating search

does only that—

frustrate me.

I open my heart and wait

even if the wait is a long time.

How sad that would be,

my soul says now,

but maybe deep inside,

my soul knows the best time

when I’m a ripe fruit,

ready to be picked

and made into a fruit salad of love

with this other ripe fruit.

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