Monday, September 18, 2017

The Benefits of Being Single

So, it's with a big breath of relief that I've decided to embrace being single for now.

Thank you to Pixabay for the lovely free pics!

Our modern society seems to frown upon being single as though it's some type of plight. But there are many benefits to it. These are the benefits I'm discovering about being single:

1. Freedom

Yay! You can be who you want. You don't have to answer to anyone. You can wear what you want, eat what you want, cut your hair how you like, spend your time how you want. Of course, there are limits, like time, budget, etc. And, I plan to pretty much go into the next relationship maintaining this new sense of self. To celebrate my newfound freedom of not having to look for a man, I'm going to chop my hair really short. Men have some strange aversion to women with short hair, so I've been trying to grow it just so I can be attractive to the opposite sex. Well, now that it's not my goal, I'm going to cut it how I like, just for fun.

2. Time to pursue your own interests

Yes, yes, yes! I've picked up some new hobbies which are helping me to adapt to single life and enjoy it. I've joined a line dancing group; I've taken a liking to gardening (it's so relaxing); I enjoy water-painting; there are so many more possibilities out there. The world's your oyster (within time and money limits, of course.)

3. You get to spend a lot of juicy alone time and grow spiritually

Yes, it's really possible to do this while in a relationship, but in fact, you become absorbed in the other person and you tend to neglect this part of your life. It's been so great to build a meditation / prayer practice, read juicy spiritual books, and grow in my spiritual life. It's wonderful to practice the presence and rely on God to be my source of comfort and friendship. He's much better than any man as he loves me unconditionally and cares about every little detail of my life.

4. You have more time for sista friendships

There's nothing like a lady friend to be able to message and chat to. They're rock solid and they understand what it's like to be a woman. Statistics have shown that single people have a larger social support structure. I believe it's because they need it. And I want to maintain that should I ever go back into a relationship.

5. You can have platonic guy friendships without feeling icky about it

I admit that I don't feel right about having a friendship with a guy when I'm in a committed relationship, but it's perfectly fine when you're unattached. I have a guy friend who is purely my book friend. We talk about the books we're reading at the time. It's great. There's nothing romantic (he is a bit too young for that anyway) and we have a sort of understanding with each other and similar ideas about life.

6. You get to decide whether a guy is worth your time

Boy, have I learned this lesson the hard way! No longer am I going to let guys in my life who don't respect me as a human being before they see my body. Boundaries, baby, boundaries. The joy of being single and looking after yourself. I'd rather be single than in a relationship with someone who doesn't see me for who I really am and respect me.

7. You can go easy on the waxing/shaving and miss out for a few weeks

I don't do this often, but if I do forget, it's really not a thing, especially in winter. I don't have to do the nasty bikini thing anymore which always causes rashes and stuff. El naturalle - that's the way to go. (In an ideal world, always and forever.)

8. You can go to bed whenever you want and sleep in for however long you want

Within reason, obviously, as you may have other commitments, but on free days, this is wonderful!

9. No more worrying that they'll cheat on you

I got this from the internet and it's so true: You don't have to worry about these things anymore: Does my partner still love me?” “What are they thinking?” or “Are they cheating on me?”—all these questions that chip away at you suddenly disappear when you’re single. A break from worrying will do you a world of good!

Of course, when in a relationship with the right person, many of these things may continue. I plan to find that person who will accept me for me and I won't have to worry about the future with them! 

If you're single, what benefits do you find in your life? I'd love to hear.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Strong Heroines

It's been so long since I blogged. I often have things brewing, but by the time I'm finished all my tasks for the day, I'm too tired to blog.

So, count your blessings that I'm blogging again. Or maybe not. 👩

Today, I want to talk about strong heroines.

I've just finished writing a book. It's been such a wonderful journey. And thanks to my beta readers, it's looking so much better than it did when I finished my first draft. I've sent it off to two publishers. Although my heroine isn't one of those super-outgoing, career-obsessed women (she's rather more nurturing), she's a strong woman. She knows what she wants in life and love - a man who treasures and respects her. She won't settle for less just because she's desperate to have a relationship in her life.

Due to doing quite a bit of internal work in healing from my divorce, my radars are quite in-tune with anything that screams co-dependency in a romantic novel. I cringe when I read about women who feel like their life has now found meaning and they're finally truly happy and fulfilled because they've fallen in love. Now all their problems are solved and finally they're complete. I admit, I used to write stories and heroines like that. But now it makes me cringe.

Because, no man can make us happy. A man can add to our happiness, but in the end, true happiness is something that comes from inside our being. Whatever way, we have to learn to find it through our faith, our attitude toward life, or through things that we're passionate about. Because face it, no man is immortal and sometimes relationships do end.

And the best way to attract a man is to be happy in ourselves. Well, the right man. If we're unhappy in ourselves, we're going to attract a man who is co-dependent just like we are. And that's a recipe for disaster.

Thankfully, most modern romances have strong heroines who believe in themselves and aren't desperate for a man to fill the empty spot inside of them. Instead love finds them and enhances their lives. Romance fiction has a way of speaking to women today, to show them who they can be. It's often a trendsetter and a pioneer of breakthroughs in feminism. Hooray for romance novels!

What type of strong heroines do you enjoy reading?